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If you saw us at one of our many events across the Bay Area, welcome! The Loma Prieta is looking for new members in the San Francsico bay area, so if you love Star Trek, exploration, self enrichment, and helping others in true 24th century fashion then we want to hear from you! Please sign up and we’ll contact you promptly about our next open recruiting event.

(This happy-hour entry has been re-posted from Yeoman Bukowski’s blog)

RULE #23: There is no sex on the Holodeck.

When most of your time is spent meandering the florescent hallways of the ship, facing ever-impending destruction, or responding to the Captain’s 5-a-day Book updates, the pressure of it all leads to some serious need of R&R. So I am pretty sure it’s like half the reason most of us are still in Starfleet, the other half being selfless scientific discovery and inter-planet diplomacy (duh). And since the holodeck remains the final frontier of entertainment when you’re light years from home, it is pretty much the most important room we’ve got — I mean, next to the bridge… obviously. Erm, and I guess the decks of main engineering… primarily warp core access balconies… Ugh, and I guess sickbay depending on your biological stamina… Whatever, they’re all kinda important… But I digress… I need a refill.

The point is the holodeck is everyone’s favorite playground. And more than once I’ve come to realize that there might be some extra-curricular activities happening to and upon our most beloved recreational area.

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[Program must remain PG(-13?), please]

There is no sex on the Holodeck. No matter what a slutty hologram tells you, there is no sex on the holodeck. Keep your nasty Ferengi fantasies fluid-free. Understandably, there’s a majority of single crewmen who need to “explore strange new worlds” and I mean, we’ve all been there! In fact, there’s been more than one occasion where it was of everyone’s benefit for me to find a way to relieve the stress and keep a zero BAC to simply make the right decisions in a time of need. But you know what? Not on the holodeck. Sure, I’ve programed some racy run-ins with various Starfleet candy (“Oh well, hellllooooo Commander Riker! What a flattering 19th century naval uniform you’re wearing…”) but take it back to your quarters and keep your proverbial private-time phasers to yourself. Your “person juice” is not regulation replicated matter.

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[Ewwwwww… NOOOOOOO.]

You know what’s worse than replicating a sexual partner? Bringing one with you. I get it, there are some fine ass couplings all up in the USS Loma Prieta, but c’mon people… this isn’t the Academy! Keep it in your pants and out of the common area. Oh, you want to roll around on the ivory sand of Risa? Then take some leave. Don’t jumble your junk all over the grid for some simulated backdrop. I mean, you have the infinite background of the fucking universe to be your sexytime mood lighting. If that doesn’t get your partner off (OR YOU), then I demand for their (OR YOUR) immediate resignation. Need to spice it up? I highly recommend taking a couple hours when we’re scheduled to warp, because there’s nothing more arousing than zooming through star-fields.

I think we can all admit to some fooling around on the ship. I’ve even heard *ahem* of some crew personnel finding some “special down time” in some very creative nooks & crannies of our beloved Loma Prieta. And you know what? I totally don’t care. Just keep it off the holodeck. Pornography is ancient Earth shit… just pull out your Pad and access the archives. Do not interrupt my holonovel mystery with concerns like “Why is this slippery”? or “Something doesn’t smell right”.

Now where’s my homemade pickleback?

=^= En. Tiffany Bukowski
Ship’s Yeoman
USS Loma Prieta

Starting today… an all new fan fiction series starring the crew of the USS Loma Prieta, boldly going where no short stories have gone before.

Tuesday, August 27th, marks the premiere of Episode 1: “Shifts”, written by Ensign Shawn Alpay. The story begins with a prologue to be followed by a new act every Tuesday and original character art by Lt(jg) Thomas Marrone.

When the USS Loma Prieta is plagued by a mysterious computer glitch that threatens them and all of Starfleet, will the crew turn against one another? Follow us on Facebook, Twitter, and watch this Tumblr every Tuesday to find out!

Why Star Trek: Generations is a Good Film

[*****RED ALERT!*****SPOILERS BELOW!*****]

Generations is a flawed, but ultimately worthy entry in the franchise because it accomplishes something rare in franchise films: it effectively moves the characters forward. Picard has a satisfactory plot arc that adds depth to his character, Data takes a step that he needed to make for a long time, and Kirk is given a fitting farewell. And in true Trek fashion, the characters grapple with a metaphysical question: what does it mean to have a fulfilling life?

The core of the film deals with Kirk and Picard having to deal with the impact their legacies have had on them as men. This goes right to the core of the franchise. The first time we see a Starfleet Captain in The Cage, they have had to grapple with the responsibility of starship command, and how it leaves them lonely, isolated, and without family. Both Kirk and Picard have had to sacrifice leading a satisfying personal life to living for the greater good.

This comes into shocking relief in the Nexus. People tend to forget this about Kirk’s character, but the original concept of him was a man who said, “I’ve already got a female to worry about; her name’s the Enterprise.” His dalliances were ultimately tinged with tragedy, because they either ended in death (Edith Keeler, Miramanee), separation (Carol Marcus, Ruth), insanity (Lenore, Janice Lester), or were undertaken as a means to an end (Shana, Kelinda). Kirk’s greatest desire is to have lived a life for himself, one in which he was free to be involved with a person he loved.

Fans are upset by the manner of Kirk’s death, but ultimately it serves as a fitting conclusion to his character arc, both in the film and in the franchise at large. In his last moments, he makes a conscious choice. He knowingly puts himself at risk by leaping onto the platform. And as the catwalk is about to give way, he opts to help others—a man and a race he has never met—instead of saving himself. No one was ever going to get the better of Kirk in the end, nor was he going to go quietly in his sleep. He ultimately died to save others.

Kirks weighty decisions reflect the crisis that Picard had been grappling with, both in the series and in the film. Picard could have been an eminent archaeologist and didn’t. He could have had a family and didn’t. And now, the knowledge that he was now the last in his line was weighing heavily on him. From burying friends to ignoring his own passions, the burden of command was no less cumbersome. And it is telling that he had a nearly identical fantasy to Kirk’s while in the Nexus.

Soran functions as one of the better villains in the franchise, because he embodies the fears of both Captains. Instead of bettering himself and the Galaxy, he decided to devote his energy to achieve the ultimate act of selfishness. He waxes poetic about how our time is limited. But his choices stand in complete philosophical opposition to the lives of Kirk and Picard.

Data is confronted with this problem in another way. He finally gets what he has been yearning for, and it turns out to be less ideal than he had hoped. His journey has brought him to a place where grief, guilt and loss can affect him. It stands in marvelous contrast, because in attaining everything he wanted, he is forced to grapple with the things that Kirk, Picard and Soran find refuge from in the Nexus.

A frequently leveled criticism is that the audience never meets the inhabitants of the Veridian system. Could they have been introduced in way that wouldn’t detract from the intense emotional arcs of the characters? If it had been a planet we knew, it would have felt like emotional pandering. And no one wants to watch another movie where Earth is threatened, again.

The action set piece of the film, namely the destruction and crash of the Enterprise exceeds most of the Trek films. It is a sequence borne of incredible craftsmanship, and is one of the more intense and harrowing moments in the series.

While the film has many elements that work very well, it does not rank as one of the best films in the franchise.

Ultimately Generations shares many similarities with The Search for Spock. Both feature the destruction of the Enterprise and the emotional travails of her Captain. But the underlying issue is that many of the plot points don’t really cohere properly. There’s a weakness to the overall structure in both, where the events don’t seem to flow as they should. Sequences of spectacle, comic relief, and moments of intimate agony are thrown together in ways that, at times, diminish the impact of those constituent scenes.

Nevertheless, Generations is possessed of satisfying character development and entertaining spectacle. Along with Star Trek III: The Search for Spock (more on this later), it effectively disproves the simplistic “even good, odd bad” formula that has dominated Trek discourse for too long.

=/= LT Jesse MacKinnon
Chief Helmsman & Ship’s Historian
USS Loma Prieta

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[ABOVE: The Century 20 Daly City away team strikes a flawless beam-in pose]

Captain’s Log, Stardate 2013.0425. The crew has once again beamed down to the movie theaters at the Century 9 space station in San Francisco for a remastered Next Generation double feature. This time, the event was featuring parts 1 and 2 of the infamous Best of Both Worlds cliff hanger.

As I prepared to beam down with my away team, the USS Loma Prieta received an emergency distress signal that an identical event was occurring at the Century 20 space station in Daly City. Not being able to be two places at once, First Officer Jon Sung prepared Runabout Egon for departure with his own away team.

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[ABOVE: USS Loma Prieta crew rendezvous at Century 9 San Francisco with members of the USS Golden Gate and USS Gygax]

With Century 20 in good hands, I proceeded with my away team to Century 9, where the USS Loma Prieta crew rendezvoused with an away team from the USS Golden Gate and even an officer from the USS Gygax.

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[ABOVE: LT Jesse MacKinnon resists assimilation by the Borg]

The remastered episodes looked phenomenal and the mission went off without a hitch, at least until LT Jesse MacKinnon encountered a lone Borg drone in the theater’s lobby. Jesse hasn’t quite been the same since. Recommended he be kept under observation by the Ship’s counselor for the foreseeable future.

Perkins, out.

=/= CAPT Zach Perkins

Commanding Officer

USS Loma Prieta

Century 9 (San Francisco) Away Team Crew Manifest:

CAPT Zach Perkins

CAPT Erik Roberts

LT Jesse MacKinnon

LT Amy Sloan

LT Samantha Dolgoff

LTJG Harley Cooper

EN Shawn Alpay

EN Cindy Bee

EN Andy Smith

EN Chef Spencer Scott

EN Andrew Rogge

CR Michaela Maloney

Century 20 (Daly City) Away Team Crew Manifest:

CMDR Jon Sung

LCDR Tom Hesser

EN Melissa Crystal

CR Kristen Adam