As the Captain of a starship, you’re afforded a few privileges that they don’t typically mention in the literature at your local Starfleet recruiting office. It turns out that one of those privileges is recruiting a private chef, and then ordering operations to deactivate all the replicators for the day so that you can show of your new chef to your senior staff.

And that’s exactly what I did when I recruited Ensign Chef Scott Spencer. And then, like that hack Emeril, I kicked it up a notch to warp 11. Instead of just serving the senior staff a meal of intergalactic proportions, I decided to secretly transport and trap them in a holodeck while they ate. Just as appetizers were being served, my senior staff found themselves assuming the roles of the crew of the USS Enterprise-D circa the late 2360s, just as they returned from their now famous away mission to recover the mythical and elusive Orb of Knowledge.

Cmdr Jon Sung was transformed into LtCmdr Data, while LtCmdr Tom Hesser became LtCmdr Geordi LaForge. Capt. Erik Roberts was Lt. Worf, En. Cindy Bee was En. Ro, En. Kristin Koperski as Counselor Troi, En. Jesse MacKinnon as Cmdr. Riker, En. Amy Sloan as Dr. Crusher, and Lt(jg) Ben Roodman played Guinan, complete with iconic hat! Meanwhile, I assumed the role of ‘Admiral Di Lithium’ to oversee the simulation, while Lt. Samantha Dolgoff, En. Andy Smith, En. Carla Newman, Crewman Ian Sayre, and Crewman Jessie Philipp served as supervisory staff.

Back in the galley, Ensign Chef Scott Spencer, assisted by Crewman Jenny Wilson and Crewman Chris Leung as his kitchen staff, began serving us amazing dishes from all over the Alpha and Beta quadrants. From Andorian tuber root to asparagus in yamuk sauce, targ in blood wine to the exotic ‘Parthas a la Yuta’, it was a five star meal that an Admiral would dream of.

While we washed down our meal with a healthy mix of Klingon Bloodwine, Château Picard, and Federation Standard Synthale, the crew gradually unraveled the mystery of the disappearance of the Orb of Knowledge from the Enterprise-D. ***SPOILER ALERT*** They were all guilty! However, I choose to omit from my log exactly how and in what way they were guilty; you’ll have to pick up your own vintage copy of the ‘How To Host a Star Trek TNG Mystery’ holo-program to find out!

~Capt. Zach Perkins
Commanding Officer
USS Loma Prieta
Starfleet, Region 4

On December 27th, 2011, it was with great pride that I received orders from Starfleet’s Chief of Operations to assume full command of the USS Loma Prieta. Under her new registry designation of NCC-26848, we brought the Loma Prieta to full readiness as a mainstay vessel of the Fourth Fleet.  It had only been six months prior, with a skeleton crew of officers and crewmen, that we took the aging Ambassador class cruiser out of dry-dock and began the painstaking process of upgrading, recruiting, and taking her through what I believe to have been one of the most exciting and accomplished shakedown cruises that the fleet has ever seen. On January 28th of 2012, all of our hard work came to fruition when we hosted a truly epic celebration in Starfleet Academy’s Presidio district, and opened our doors to a flood of new crew members, visiting dignitaries, and Starfleet flag officers.

Everything on the menu that day was remarkable. From Cmdr. Jon Sung’s stash of Romulan Ale, to the case of Klingon Blood Wine that I bartered for from a shady Ferenghi merchant. From Lt(jg) Nicole Lippmann’s expert bar-tending skills, to LtCmdr Tom Hesser’s home-made Hassperat and Ensign Tria Connel’s tea sandwiches. And last but not at all least; Lt Samantha Dolgoff’s Gagh, Sisko-style Cajun Gumbo, and her special BBQ Targ recipe; the entire menu was truly of galactic proportions.

The events throughout the day were also not to be missed. I’d like to thank Lt(jg) Ben Roodman for seeing to our ‘Zero-G Combat Training’ facilities (ie: the bounce house); LtCmdr Hesser for handling the arduous process of setting up our ARTEMIS consoles for the ‘Kobyashi Maru Beatdown’ tactical exercise; Chief Petty Officer Cody Bratt for his highly skilled photography and portrait taking skills; Ensign Andy Smith for funding our USS Loma Prieta branded shot glasses; Yeoman Cindy Bee for being the best cheerleader (and the worst tactical officer) a crew could ever ask for; Lt Samantha Dolgoff for being the best chef and secret girlfriend (SHHH! Don’t tell Starfleet or they’ll reassign us!) a Captain could have; and most of all I’d like to thank our illustrious First Officer, Cmdr Jon Sung for hosting the entire thing, and for tolerating the giant mess we made.

I would also like to thank Admiral David Nottage, CO of the USS Golden Gate (Region 4, San Francisco), for officiating our ceremony; Captain Joshua Andrews, CO of the USS Sandstorm (Region 4, Las Vegas) and Vice Admiral Jerry Tien, CO of the USS Eagle (Region 4, Fremont) for gracing us with their esteemed presence; and Captain Erik Roberts, XO of the USS Paegan (Region 2, Florida) who has since transferred to the USS Loma Prieta as our new Chief of Security! I’d also like to thank all of the new friends and crew-mates who attend our party. Many of you have already registered for Starfleet and joined us as commissioned officers, and we’re looking forwarded to adding even more of you at our next meeting!

~Capt. Zach Perkins
Commanding Officer
USS Loma Prieta
Starfleet, Region 4